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    October 26

    seriously

    顯示出來的繁體字應該會在很久之后提醒我這是我在Elaine家寫的牢騷

    考完了。我很心虛。盡管考前我很充實。所以我似乎害怕回去的時候見到任何熟人。
    或者,害怕見到我桌子上這10幾20幾天留下的一片狼藉。不斷提醒我這件事情。

    因此我可以把自己也定位為一個不敢面對現實的人。可是以前我是多驕傲自己總是敢于面對。
    所以我去珠海找Elaine
    可以說我不是想在珠海如何瘋狂一下然后再好好開始下一步,我只是想去到一個陌生的空間里,發呆也可以

    當然最后整個過程變成視察Elaine的新生活。她總是向她朋友介紹我是她從3歲就一起的朋友。
    多么鏗鏘有力的話。。。。。奸笑一會先
    總之,那種感覺是很像長輩們的欣慰的。看到她的工作,生活。
    謝謝你跟我說你對積極的定義。這更是一個定心丸

    很害怕結束,因為這意味新的mission impossible要開始。
    我知道自己仍然會是很犯賤對這個過程很癡迷。我永遠是害怕看到答案的。
    現在我終于明白Y同學說的那種被槍口指著心的感覺。
    幻想一直活在過程中有多好,可以無休止地表達各種情緒。
    但是面對結果,表情得要多有限制。

    我害怕回去因為c會有半個月不在。其實cc你知道嗎我一點都不厲害。
    厲害的人是可以在依賴和獨立中游刃有余地轉換的。
    而我只是習慣一種狀態。
    所以羅小鳥同學你問我難道不想在圣誕節這些日子里面有人陪嗎
    這個問題實在是多微不足道吧特別是圣誕節這三個字

    不過,我回去還是和她們瘋狂地鬧。
    總會有事情能夠讓你不斷move on的
    這也是過程的癮。


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    beokwrote:
    难道没有feel在黑暗里有我的力量嘛
    Oct. 31

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